Room

Closet

Bed

Cupboard

Never been accused of being a neat freak. Wonder why? Cant they just take a look at my room?

Take over

I have just handed over total control of my life to a friend of mine. This includes my financial decisions as well as other " things to do". I am forced to do this because of a general feeling of inactivity that I have been experiencing.

My friend happens to be a fiendish, psychotic control freak who would probably be the best person to do this job.

Walk

I walked back from office yesterday. It possibly a distance of 4 kilometres (maybe exaggerating, could be 3 and half). It was the sort of exercise that I havent done in months, ok years, ok ok maybe decades. The thing I can be really proud of was I did it in really tight leather shoes I bought a couple of days earlier. An hour(hour and half) of walking, an exhausted self and two subway sandwiches later, I have come to this realisation.

I want to travel the world. A friend of mine and I keep discussing this a lot. He too shares the same idea. But we havent got down towards making any real efforts in doing so. I have a few reasons for not doing so. I am scared of leaving a lot of stuff behind. I dont know whether in quantitative terms, they would mean a lot, but it is something I have worked( question mark) for. A more pertinent reason would be money. I dont have a lot of it, and I am not the backpacker variety to be able to sustain myself in YMCAs and run down lodges. More than that I would say it comes down to family. I guess what I am trying to say is that if I were to do this thing, I would like to do it with a family, maybe not the immediate one but a group of people with whom I would share a comfort level. The more philosophical ones would say that you would make your friends on the journey itself. But I have in my mind a few people with whom I would not hesitate to immediately begin travelling the world. if i get a yes from them, I dont mind leaving as soon as possible.

weird

• A friend of mine has two certificates from two different schools for the same year, stating he has cleared his grade 10 exams.
• Another friend of mine coloured his hair bronze once, the unusual thing was he was almost 90 % bald then.
• Another good friend of mine once used used his ass as an ashtray. Funny thing, he is not a smoker.
• I know a guy who for some unusual reason likes to be called " daddy". Guess, he is one guy who will never be called in for a paternity test.
• Do you know someone personally or have you seen a movie where some one says stuff like my dad "always" used to tell me....", or as my uncle "always" said....., corny stuff like " life is like a train with just one final destination". Wouldnt have been fun being "always" told the same thing.
• Bell bottoms making a comeback.
• 
  Finally, I have to rub a smooth surface after hearing any sort of a grating noise.
  

Write stuff

I am going to start writing a novel today. I am not sure whether it would culminate into something that would be readable enough even for five minutes, neither am I sure that I would be interested in it in a couple of days. But I am going to finish the first page at least today.

Hum Honge Kamyaab

Decision

I am going to be nice from now on. The general perception, for some reason unknown to me, is that I am sometimes mean, sarcastic, arrogant and a bit of a snob. So from now on, I am going to make a concerted effort to be polite, say stuff like "good morning" and "have a nice day" and most importantly not say " f*** off" within the first five minutes of meeting someone.

Things I find creepy

• The Laurel & Hardy film, where Hardy orders Laurel to " come to bed"
• The new Pepsi ad, where Shah Rukh Khan and John Abraham keep smiling at a teenage boy.
• Some pledge in school which required one to say " all Indians are my brothers and sisters", discounting any romantic alliances within the country.
• The tele-tubbies going for a " big hug".
• The cricket team " dressing room".
• The Indian accent in Hollywood movies.
• Southern superstars NTR and Sridevi stomping on a hill with the lady probably wondering whether NTR uncle would be able to dance through his third stroke.
• One eyed waiters and lame watchmen.
• Larry King.

Control

Today was a little about getting back control. Probably did so. Made some tough choices. Also decided not to run away

Run

Need a destination, direction, guiding lights and a reason. Have a very strong desire to run away from everything and everyone. Maintaining my sanity by imagining people around as rabid, stinking, unwanted street dogs and every aspect of work as a ball busting ordeal intended to satisfy people who found the Spanish inquisition boring. Find my room closing in everyday, feel sick of food, hate the same roads, buildings and the same programmes on tv. And yeah, am gonna show the middle finger to the next guy who suggests a vacation.

Countdown

Plan to do at least three of the five things within 30 days.

• Start Cooking
• Shift to a better house
• Start exercising
• Get a new job
• Write a novel.

Just to show how serious I am, if I dont achieve any three of the above, the first person to remind me of my failure gets Rs. 5000 from me or gets to kick me where it hurts most( yes), whatever their preference.

A step away

Ever felt like you were just a stone's throw away from greatness. Well, not just greatness. I am talking of having the feeling that you are very close to knowing what you want to do in life or being close to understand how things work. But you are just not able to take the final step. Kinda feeling that way right now.

Vindictive

A guy borrowed 1000 bucks from me a couple of months ago. He promised to return it within a week. I remembered about the money a couple of weeks later. I called up a couple of times and he kept on telling me he would return the money in a couple of days. Around a month back, he started to not pick up my calls.

I then started to dial from different phones when he didnt pick up calls from my phone. I started abusing him verbally whenever he picked up . This became a normal occurence. He would keep promising to return the money in a couple of days and i would on each call describe his mother and sister doing various activites for money. He called up today morning and told me he would return the money in the evening. He just did so a couple of hours back.

Funny thing is, I was never bothered that much about the money. The first time, I called him because I felt he was not responsible and didnt bother to inform me that he didnt have the money with him. The more he tried to avoid my calls, the more irritated I became. I would randomly call from any phone nearby and use the worst language possible. When he called up today and told me that he would return the money, it was a strange moment in that, i was not happy or relieved. I just realised that i would miss the experience of calling up someone and abuse them to my heart's content.

Till a couple of years ago, I never knew this facet of my personality. I always knew that I was not the most sensitive of human beings, but never could imagine myself as as someone who would one day become partially dependent on having the power to insult or degrade someone. It did scare me.

P.S. Would appreciate free therapy

love

Need some help
I am not sure with whom i am in love with

1) Someone whom i have known for close to 10 years
2) Someone whom i have known for less than 6 months.
3) or myself

Tribute

This is a tribute to all the people who have been there for me unconditionally during various stages of my life.

• my parents: i know it sounds sappy to start with one's folks, but i have to really give it to them for tolerating me acting like an octogenarian when i was a teenager.
• himanshu patel: my first best friend from my baroda days. being older by two years, the guy was my teacher in all things complex in life like sand castles and paper planes
• jaideep & rohan: the first time i was part of a group and felt i belonged somewhere.
• mithun chakroborty: my childhood hero. protagonist of such classics like " commando", " hissab khoon ka", " daata" and my all time favourite " disco dancer".
• my cousins: for all those wonderful memories during the summer holidays in vijaywada, the algae filled water tank, the snakes only we used to see, the afternoons under the cool of the mango trees.
• Gujarat Secondary Education Board: For deeming me smart enough to deserve 97% in mathematics during Grade 10 board exams. Still cant believe it after all these years.
• Chow Yun Fat : For being the smoothest actor on the planet, and being the only actor whose movies made Hong Kong look gritty and edgy.
• The three stooges: Simply the funniest.
• Govind: uniquely unique. Having the guts to be a nice guy.
• Avinash: For having in some unusual way, helped me in landing my first job.
• Krishna Kant :Really funny and probably the kindest soul i have ever met.
• Ashwini: For being the biggest achiever i have known in my life, and not being stuck up about it.
• P G Wodehouse: For creating Bertram Wooster, the greatest literary character ever. Sorry, Mr. Holmes and Potter.
• Karthik: For being the only person to believe that i had the potential to be a talented loser.
• Vaishnavi: For being the scariest person I have ever known.
• Anish: For being the most positive guy in the world

identity

Even in a professional work environment, you are still asked the question. Can you describe yourself in 3/4/5 sentences? This has got to be the toughest question in the world to answer right after " will you marry me?".

Came up with something to describe myself.

" A passive aggressive, arrogant, lazy, sarcastic, self centred, egoist with moderate analytical, linguistic and creative skill who suffers from negativity, inaction and extreme feelings of failure and occassional bouts of depressive thoughts."

came up with something else too

" A handsome, intellgent and successful man disguised as a troubled, bitter and neurotic nobody"

a prayer

This is a prayer. A prayer for redemption, for forgiveness, for sins to be committed, for ignorance, for silence, for sloth. A great man once said " get your f***ing balls in order". Dont know what prompted that remark, but if meant for me, was extremely well directed. Life, right now in my mid-twenties is not confused and directionless, it is not a fight between idealogy and realism, neither is it about money. It is just a simple question. WHY????
Still praying for the answer.

Things I should not have done

This lists all the things I have done which will continue to haunt me till the day I stop caring

• Smoking ( thankfully have quit)
• hunting ( funnily, am vegetarian)
• read Nietzsche at 16. ( should have stuck to my favourite Wodehouse)
• made fun of a guy's artificial leg in front of him
• wasted a scholarship by not maintaining required GPA
• Watch re-runs of "Friends" over and over again
• Fired people
• Watch 5 days of continous cricket many times.